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  1. My 6 month old had a man sized turd the other day when she was constipated. I’m sitting there trying to pull it out, but it keeps going back in like it was a whack a mole.

  2. I’m a a nurse in an adult ICU so in addition to at home I deal with adult size soft serve as well. When I’m turning a patient and trying to clean them up sometime they just keep going and push on their stomach to try and finish the job….

  3. This guy looks like one of those creepy ass puppets from that weird show on Nick years ago.

  4. This reminds me. My oldest was sick and had to come to bed with us. She had some diarrhea in her diaper. As I’m changing her, BAM Full liquid barrage. Luckily it didn’t get anywhere other than her diaper but watching it pop open and deposit was more than enough to scar me for life.

    Worth it for the love though. And the inevitable wedding story – hehe.

  5. My husband asked me to comment that this was exactly, documentary-footage accurate, a depiction of what his life was like at 5am this morning. He felt very seen.

  6. I have had to catch poop 3 times. Doesn’t even phase me anymore. Just grab some wipes and watch that shit come out, hoping you have enough. I can happily say that I definitey do not have a poop fetish (not that that was a concern lol).

  7. I’ll never forget. Or baby was barely a day old. My husband and i were in the hospital ward, getting to figure out how to change our baby’s diaper when ask if a sudden, black tar started to balloon out of my 5lb baby’s little bum. It was slow motion like lava and am we could do was stare, simultaneously in awe and disgust.

    It was only when he peed on us in that moment that we snapped back to reality.

  8. Wait till their 2 and it happens, then that face will be more representative than you can imagine!

  9. My son poops just once a week and we know when it’s coming due to the screams and squiggling. Yep, it’s like a frozen yogurt machine, legs being the lever.

  10. Knock on wood, 11 weeks in this has never happened to us. We’ve also never had a blowout. Pretty polite pooper so far!

  11. I remember a time when my lo, who was probably 4 months old, was having a tough time pooping (formula fed and hadn’t pooped in little over a week..) We did everything to help her, but nothing was working. Our last resort was to run a bath and hope it worked. Well, my husband was getting the water going while I was undressing the baby. Who knew the sound of running water could turn on the baby soft serve machine? Every time I thought she was done, nope, more just came out… Think I stood there for a solid 5 minutes of her just pooping out this pistachio like, though darker green, soft serve. I just kept thinking I could never look at pistachio, or any green colored, ice cream the same ever again….

  12. This happened once to our new baby. Since he was constipated, so this was much cheered upon. The entire family plus grand parents are there cheering him on.

    100% context necessary moment.

  13. This just happened to me!!! It looked like an alien. Something so so ugly coming from my beautiful baby.

  14. Picture it: hospital room, early afternoon. My son came out earlier that morning at 1:17 am, and we were only beginning to get acquainted as child and parent. My son, looking like a small, squished caricature of Angela Lansbury, had slept 4 hours through the night already, to which I thought ‘wow, what an easygoing squirt! he won’t do anything to make my life hard!’

    I went to change him, managing to stop the game of pass-the-baby and shoo everyone out so I could breastfeed in peace. I went to change him, the diapers too far for me to grab, and I stupidly stood to dash across the room to his cradle and grab one. I returned in time to see him screw his little face, and push that disgusting, black tar of a meconium all over my hospital bed, the blanket a kind lady knit for him as a present (he was the first baby of the new year in my state), and my robe, which had pooled on the bed at some point.

    It was the weirdest, most disturbing thing I’ve seen so far. I imagine this was my face before I went to the nurses station, tail tucked, and asked if they had a laundry service anywhere in the hospital.

  15. I made the mistake of trusting i could get a diaper on my 3 week old (at the time) quick enough that i could wrap the soiled one really quick with nothing under her. I quickly grabbed a wipe and managed to catch her poop but…it was a solid 20 seconds of this intimate moment and i spent the whole time thinking there is no way i would do this for anyone else after only knowing them 3 weeks and it was so odd to be in that situation.

  16. He decided to do this at 4 am this morning. For a 2 week old it was like 17 lbs of poo