Things Like This Bother Me. I Think It’s Great You Can Handle It, But I Can Admit I Have Cried Plenty Of Times Because I Was So Exhausted And Fed Up, But It Didn’t Mean I Was Angry My Child Wanted To Be Fed. I Just Feel Like These Posts Are Toxic. Anyone Else Or Am I Being Dramatic
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Its OK to Cry

Its Ok To Cry - Postpartum - 2023

Things like this bother me. I think it’s great you can handle it, but I can admit I have cried plenty of times because I was so exhausted and fed up, but it didn’t mean I was angry my child wanted to be fed. I just feel like these posts are toxic.

Anyone else or am I being dramatic

Originally posted 2021-03-03 13:18:34.


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  1. For the entire first week my daughter was home I cried every single night around 8pm. My husband had to be the one who “put her to sleep” which was usually the first time of day she’d be sleeping in a different room than I was. I couldn’t handle the separation and cried so hard! I could put her down in her crib every other time during the day and night, but not that one.

    Being a parent is hard and tiring at first. Crying Crying can come with that and no one should be ashamed for crying.

  2. I’ve seen a lot of these posts because of where I grew up. The mom is usually less educated, teens or early adulthood, and in a less than ideal situation. Generally coming from a cycle of poverty and teen pregnancy. She makes the post to affirm to herself and others that she is okay, she is going to be a good mom because she really, really wants to be a good mom and not part of the cycle she’s seen.

    So, I get your point, but I usually scroll by, recognizing that her post is more about her & her past than about me.

  3. I mean, I don’t buy it. It sounds like a “perfect mom” thing to say.

    I think I spent the first few weeks too exhausted to cry much. Then after that, I started bawling or at least crying daily. The sleep deprivation really killed us. I was fantasizing about throwing myself down the stairs so I could go to the hospital and get a break. We lasted 7 months and finally lost our fucking minds and sleep trained. It wasn’t a miracle cure, and it has been a LONG road to get to this point, but man my son is 19 months now and puts himself to sleep for naps and bedtime. Still wakes up sometimes, but it is not like it was. But hey now I cry all the time for different reasons so c’est la vie.

  4. I think every situation is different! Some people never experience babies before so it’s harder for them. Some women experience scary hormones. Some women have trouble breast feeding. Some women don’t have a good stable partner or family to help. Some families struggle financially. Sometimes older siblings are hard which makes it all harder. Fuck a fool that thinks their life can be compared to another.

  5. Kiddo is 4 months old and I still cry like every day. Not because she wants to be fed but like sometimes because she wants to be fed and just ate, because she wants to be fed and rejects bottles so only I can feed her, because she wants to be fed but actually she’s full and just comfort eating and then spits up all over me when I have literally just showered and put on clean clothes… this shit is hard!

  6. I cried the first 5 minutes in the house bringing baby home from the hospital, because that support crutch was gone and I realized just how much I didn’t know what I was doing. And hormones. God I hate hormones.

  7. I don’t know if I would consider it “toxic” but definitely super obnoxious. Kind of along the lines of Insta-mommies who post things like “my kids only eat organic and have never even seen a screen”. Well laaaaa-deee-daaaah good for you!

  8. The word for this is ‘Martyr Mom*. If you are reading this, choose not to be or to promote this. Be nice, be human, be honest – be someone I’d like to hang out with instead.

  9. Dude I think I spent more time crying than not the first week. Those hormones are crazy plus anxiety and sleep deprivation… I was a mess. I don’t know what this lady is talking about.

  10. I cried multiple times a day for just about 6 weeks postpartum. I sought help at my appointment and couldn’t have been more relieved to obtain some medication to make me feel normal again. Posts like that make me angry… it also makes new mommies who are struggling feel like complete crap.

  11. Personally It doesn’t bother me. I think everyone’s different and every baby is different. I haven’t cried from exhaustion in the middle of the night or when I had to wake up many times to feed baby, but I’ve cried plenty for other things (ppd, supply problems, change… Etc). My baby didn’t wake up a lot at night, so whenever she did I didn’t mind it as it wasn’t something she did often. Don’t misunderstood I went through phases where baby would cry the moment she you he’s the crib but quiet in my arms.

    It just wasn’t often enough for me to be affected I guess.

  12. I agree with the other comments here in regards to the machismo and faking holding it together.

    But wanted to add that what bothers me about these posts is that it’s intention is to make people who *are* struggling feel inferior. “Lol you think this is hard? Weeny.” Like. Okay maybe being a mom/parent *is* easy for you. Maybe you don’t cry on the regular. But maybe you should be thankful for that instead of gloating about it, because I think the general consensus is that… this shit is hard. Where’s the humility, ya know? I DO cry just about every day. And this response makes me feel embarrassed for that when I shouldn’t be.. and THATS the point of the response. To show that you’re superior because.. what? Because you don’t cry? Get over yourself.

  13. I think it’s a type of machismo or bragging, the poster saying that they are a good/strong Mom because of xyz. And it’s not nice to say/post things that have the potential to make other parents feel bad for no good reason.

  14. All I think about is why are you such a baby!? Oh yes, because you ARE a baby who can’t full comprehend or speak. How frustrating that must be.
    As a father I breakdown all the time but I’m never mad at the baby, I’m usually upset with myself but that’s a issue for my therapist to deal with.

  15. I could be really wrong here, but I feel like the people who *brag* about not having mommy breakdowns (or really anything), are probably lying. Like I imagine they are shit parents. Cause good people, good parents, good humans can admit when they don’t have everything figured out; they’re free to question their decisions and strive to make better ones. So when I see a post or comment like this, I usually feel bad for the person and or their kid(s).

    Edit: accidentally posted before I was done commenting

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Written by Claire

Claire is our Community Manager here at New Moms Forum. A mom of two (almost grown-up babies), Claire has been building and operating community-based websites for almost 20 years. In her downtime, Claire enjoys spending time with her family and drinking copious amounts of red wine!

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