Daughter’s attitude to sex/puberty is really concerning

  • Daughter’s attitude to sex/puberty is really concerning

    Breaking Moms - 2021 relativereader7692 updated 3 weeks ago 2 Members · 2 Posts
  • Breaking Moms - 2021

    megnog21

    Member
    November 7, 2021 at 5:18 am

    I remember feeling viscerally disgusted by the idea of sex as a child, although I was younger than 9 when it was explained to me. She may just not have been ready for that information quite yet and is having a negative reaction to the knowledge. Unfortunately with early puberty being so common, we really have to explain these things by mid elementary school. Sorry she’s going through this! We have had great success with therapy for anxiety for our tween.

  • Breaking Moms - 2021

    WistfulSaudade

    Member
    November 7, 2021 at 5:18 am

    It’s a horrible question to ask, but is there any possibility that someone touched her sexually in the past?

    What you’re describing reminds me of what a lot of children who have been molested go through. If the child is very young when it happens/starts to happen, they don’t know enough about sex to understand exactly what is being done. They may be uncomfortable, but they may also be complicit/cooperative because they don’t understand. Sex Ed is often the very first time they start to understand what has happened…and start to understand how they have been violated. Combine that with puberty/experiencing the start of their own sexual urges and these children can then become disgusted by all sex and angry because they feel dirty/used. If they were complicit/cooperative, there is also a sense of self-blame wrapped up in the revulsion. They cannot reconcile sex as something loving with what they have experienced.

    It may be worth having a direct conversation with your daughter about this. I really, really hope this isn’t the reason, but it’s worth talking with her just in case.

  • Breaking Moms - 2021

    relativereader7692

    Member
    November 7, 2021 at 5:18 am

    So, I got the wonderful experience of talking to my 9 year old back in July about sex and puberty because she started her first period. Her school is also hosting a puberty class as well this year. I gave her as many details as I could about her body, periods, how to keep clean, etc. but was very general about sex. Just said it was how to make babies although some people do it for fun but the main criteria needed to be someone with whom you share trust with. I explained the bare bones mechanics of sex when she asked but emphasized that she was not ready for that and it was 100% an adult action. We even talked about people who like to remain single and avoid sex, like her aunt.

    All that aside, she has developed this absolutely extreme pious attitude towards sex. Any mention of it is met with absolute disgust and anger. We try to talk to her about it, reassure her that sex is nothing but choice and if she chooses to not do it, that’s totally fine, but either way it’s not something she’d be doing as a child anyway. We don’t watch film or tv around her on purpose that had anything in it. But I guess she saw the car scene in “Titanic,” which I thought was super mild (it is PG13), while I was watching it and she lost her damn mind.

    She was so angry and disgusted even as I tried to explain to her that it’s important to consider why the director did it, that it’s bc they love each other, etc and she did not care. I kept trying to placate her and she screamed in my face “I hate it!”

    Dear God, what is going on here? We’ve always made sure to have very objective discussions and that all material was appropriate while still being informative. We’ve made sure to be open and honest and answer any question she’s had. I don’t expect her to like it but I do expect her to try to understand its purpose, objectively. We’ve even made sure to let her know that we understand she won’t truly grasp it until she’s an adult. But this visceral disgust and rage seems very odd to me. My husband even pointed it out once.

    She does have severe anxiety that she’s medicated for. Could this be related?

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