My friend thinks she’s coming to help post partum, I’m annoyed instead of grateful, I am horrible person.

  • My friend thinks she’s coming to help post partum, I’m annoyed instead of grateful, I am horrible person.

    Baby Bumps - 2021 JudgmentSea8083 updated 2 weeks, 6 days ago 2 Members · 2 Posts
  • Baby Bumps - 2021

    pinap45454

    Member
    November 7, 2021 at 9:23 am

    This is a big no. I would level with your husband and find out what he said to her to prompt this, but regardless it’s a big hell no. I’d also be annoyed if I had to sort this out. There is nothing “ungrateful” about not wanting 3 people (one of whom is 4) moving in to “help.”

  • Baby Bumps - 2021

    mamayogibear

    Member
    November 7, 2021 at 9:23 am

    First of all, you are absolutely right to hold firm to any boundaries you want. This is your baby, your new family. It’s up to you to determine what’s best for you guys.

    Second, you are correct. Those first few weeks are HARD. I’m currently pregnant with my second, and thinking back to the early days with my first, I felt like I couldn’t navigate our new life properly when other people were around. My son was born on a Monday, and my immediate family visited that day and then came to stay the following weekend. I was so glad to have them meet him, but simultaneously ready for everyone to leave (despite how they actually helped!). Because they won’t always be there to help, so you can’t really find your groove til all the guests are gone. And sometimes guests just don’t help.

    All that said, try not to be annoyed. It sounds like your friend has good intentions. Maybe she’s the kind of person who wanted someone there, and she’s assuming you are too. You’ll find a lot of moms assume their experience is what you will experience (I’m sure everyone has shared their labor horror stories – I had a beautiful labor and delivery, so tune that all out). Just hold your boundaries – as long as you communicate them and people respect them, that’s all you can ask for. Best of luck!!

  • Baby Bumps - 2021

    JudgmentSea8083

    Member
    November 7, 2021 at 9:23 am

    So I already know that I’ll politely decline the offer next time we speak, and I know how I’ll do it too to avoid any hurt feelings because I do love my friend dearly, but I just need to rant to people who will give me unbiased reactions.

    My amazing husband, who has been nothing but supportive, was approached by my friend who wanted to know what we hadn’t bought yet so she could buy us some gap fillers as a baby shower gift. Such a sweet friend, I adore her more than words can describe.

    She must have asked him how he’s feeling about our pending arrival and the bit she cottoned onto most was him saying how worried he is about paternity leave being so short. Her solution is that her, her bf, and their 4 year old will travel a long distance to come stay with me as soon as hubby is back in work. 🙃 I was informed of this plan during a quick visit, I’ve yet to discuss with DH as he’s away with work for a few days.

    Now, am I the world’s worst human to be annoyed? I don’t care how close we are, but I will tell you when you’re welcome into my post partum life not the other way around. I’m a little annoyed at DH but I also know that he’s probably shitting himself that his comments led to this particular solution, whereas his intention was to just be honest (which we both are with this friend, she is fabulous most of the time).

    Even my mum, who I’m incredibly close to, to the point where she is welcome in the room during delivery, has said she will wait for the green light from me to book time off.

    What is it about first time mums that makes everyone think we are helpless? I know we don’t know as much as those who have kids already, but we still have the right to make our own decisions about who we allow into our space. This is just another incident on a long list of grievances I have against people who seem to take pleasure in making FTMs feel scared or as if they can’t possibly cope on their own. Yes it will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, being a mum, but it’s also something I have been waiting for forever and we will find our path through the chaos, just like every other new parent has before us. And we will ask for help as soon as it is needed. I don’t need to be treated as if I’m clueless.

    Anyway this is probably a pointless post as I will be shutting this down before any tickets are booked or plans cemented, and will be giving DH some tips on how to say no thanks or ‘we’ll let you know when we’re ready’, but I just wanted to get it off my chest as I fear I’ll come across as an ungrateful, horrid person if I tell anyone in my life!

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