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Forums Forums Group Forums Trying For A Bub Doubts about becoming a parent Reply To: Doubts about becoming a parent

  • poe2017

    October 21, 2021 at 7:23 pm

    It’s hard for me to articulate why I want children because I just always have. I’ve certainly had my doubts at time – Will I be a good parent? I’m afraid of giving birth. Will I ever have time for myself again? Will I completely lose my identity and just become a mom?

    But I’ve never wondered if I just shouldn’t have kids. Even with my doubts, I know I want them. Some people don’t, and that’s absolutely fine. But it’s definitely something both parties need to be on the same page about.

    Are you in therapy/taking meds/taking care of your mental health right now? It sounds like you’re struggling some. I can understand where your husband is coming from (I also wanted to be a parent before 30, didn’t pan out) but he needs to understand that you need to take care of yourself too. Being pregnant and having a baby is not easy and having “miserable” as your starting point isn’t going to help.

    As others have said, you really need to talk to your husband. I think it might help to take a break from trying and focus on yourself for a little. Maybe if you can sort out what’s going on with your mental health some, you’ll find that you’re more open to kids than you are now. Maybe you’ll learn that you absolutely do not want children. It’s fine to feel either way, but it is important to be honest with your husband.

    To be blunt, having different thoughts on kids is one of the hardest thing a relationship can go through. You can’t compromise and just sometimes have a kid. Having a baby just to keep a relationship together is not a good idea. I’m not saying your relationship is doomed, but you really should take some time to take care of yourself, figure out what you want, and you should have honest conversations with your husband about this, possibly with a relationship counselor/therapist.