tikitay27GuestOctober 21, 2021 at 11:21 am
Hey—I had really bad PPD with my first and she sounds a lot like your first (she’s only 15 months but extremely strong willed, social, lonely, etc, we actually just put her in daycare part time for the socialization, and also so she doesn’t “think it’s her sisters fault” so we wanted to make sure she was in a program comfortably before her sister is born). It’s really hard for me to think about her first couple months because of how miserable I was and convinced she hated me and that this thing I’ve wanted forever—motherhood—actually maybe I was shit at it? Then eventually my husband was like “you have to talk to someone” and I got into therapy and my therapist was really great at doing the work to disprove negative postpartum thoughts.
I found out I was pregnant again when she was 8 months old and it was terrifying; I’ve always wanted more than one kiddo but I didn’t want them that close together.
I felt like I hadn’t even emerged from my PPD, that I didn’t even feel like I knew what I was doing yet, that I was depriving my first of having a confident mom, etc. I’m 32 weeks now and honestly I’m just extremely excited for her to have a sibling (and to be done being pregnant after her sister is born! lol). I DO feel more confident for #2 and I am getting set up with a PPD therapist specifically preemptively to fight off PPD as best I can. I think it’s going to be a an absolute shit show but it’s going to be great, kinda like with my first but with the benefit of hindsight and therapy from the jump instead of waiting 6 months until my husband pretty much forced me to see someone.
If you are sure you want more than one I’m not sure there is a “ready”—though I certainly wasn’t able to wait long enough to find out. You can make sure you’re in a better position for the next kid by getting your mental health in place, but there’s also ALWAYS something. My baby nephew died when I was 20 weeks and I’ve had to deal with extreme grief while pregnant, and then we found out two weeks ago my baby has a small hole in her heart and there’s nothing I can do but hope it heals itself and monitor it, my daughter started bringing home the daycare colds, my sister in law is going to move in with us in a week, etc etc etc—my point is you have a healthy, social, strong willed toddler and that shit is hard, you have the insight of knowing you suffer from PPD which means you can work preemptively to make sure you stay healthy. I think if you don’t already have a therapist this would be a great thing to discuss!