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kaatie80GuestOctober 21, 2021 at 2:01 am
Oh OP I feel for you so much 💜 I went and read your post about your husband too. My dad was the same way about my weight when I was growing up. And he always took it personally if his gf (or before they split, my mom) gained weight. He always told me it was my responsibility to stay attractive looking for my partner, and anyone who “let’s themselves go is just asking to be broken up with”. You know that song *Big Girls Don’t Cry*? Yeah any time that came on my dad made a point to let me know that that wasn’t true, big girls DO cry because nobody loves fat people. I mean holy crap, in retrospect it’s no wonder I had such shitty relationships in my teen and early adulthood years. And no wonder I had disordered eating up the wazoo. And no wonder I panicked at the idea of any friends or family coming with me to wedding dress shop when I was wedding planning, and preferred to do the whole thing alone.
But the reason I tell you all this is to give you some context for what I’ve learned in the last few years since giving up on dieting and hoping and praying for the smaller body I haven’t had since about tenth grade: fat people are just as deserving of love and respect as thin people. The size of your body does NOT dictate your worthiness of love, connection, respect, empathy, support, or partnership. The script that plays in your head telling you your husband is right or your parents are right and the you deserve their hatred and disappointment…. Yeah that’s an old script from growing up and it’s just not fucking true.
Another thing I’ve realized is that people will take up the space you give up to them. Your husband, for example. He’s sitting there thinking you *owe him* a thinner body (OMG major eye roll there), and he’s mad about it. Then you feel bad because you think he’s right. So then you’re basically agreeing with him that you’re the problem here (spoiler, you’re not), and he then feels *justified* in that anger and it just gets bigger. I say this not because anything here actually is your fault – it’s not. I say it to suggest that you don’t back down and agree. I suggest that you hold your head up and come back against his entitlement with what you know is actually true – you’re busy AF, your body just grew a human, and oh yeah YOU ARE A NORMAL HUMAN and normal human bodies change size sometimes.
Even if your body never gets smaller, even if it stays this same size or gets bigger, know this: you still deserve love, you still deserve respect, you still deserve empathy, you are still a good mom, you still deserve rest, you still deserve to eat as much as you need to feel satisfied, you are still smart, you are still ambitious, you are still kind, you are still funny, you are still beautiful, you are still you.