Being a mom IS the hardest job I’ve ever had. The last year has concluded that. This post resonated with me, as I’m sure it will do the same for you. Stay strong!
Originally posted 2021-02-18 11:23:58.
Being a mom IS the hardest job
Claire
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28 Comments
I moan in the shower like I’m having the best “O” of life because sometimes, that’s what it feels like.
My grocery store has a kid’s zone you can drop your kids off at while you shop for up to 2 hours. Pre-pandemic, I would drop my kids off and sit at the in-store starbucks and relax for 2 hours lol
It may not be technically a break, but with negative thirty below. It’s about all I got.
My husband and I have an agreement. If one of us cooks, the other does the dishes.
Last week, I cooked pretty much everyday. He would only do the dishes after we had no space in the sink or on the counter surrounding the sink. So when he came home Wednesday…after a truly hectic day with a very cranky, clingy, teething, nine month old, I thought “okay, he’ll do the dishes while the baby takes a nap (husband comes home early on most days and baby naps in the late afternoon from 2:30 to 3 ish) I can take a shower, and maybe even lay down in my room for some quiet time.”
Well, husband gets home just as baby is starting to doze off….on me. I ask husband to come get him after he changes his clothes. I tell him I want to shower. Husband takes thirty minutes so by the time he comes down baby is up again. He sits down and promptly falls asleep on the couch. I get it, he’s tired too. But I need the dishes done so I can cook dinner after my shower. So I have a dilemma, dishes first, then shower? Shower and then get sweaty doing dishes (as I usually do…the heater vent is right above the sink and it blows on me…)? What a choice…
So I do the dishes. After I’m done doing all the dishes, I notice, well I gotta get dinner ready…it’s going to take a while to cook. I’ll just take a shower after baby goes to bed for the night. So I cook. By now my husband is up, he walks into the kitchen and sees I did the dishes. I’m obviously upset with him. He says “oh, you could have left the dishes for me.” I reply sternly “I needed them done. I thought you were going to do them when you got home, so I didn’t do them earlier….I did the other cleaning.” He then says “Well, I knew you’d want a **break**.”
Yes! I did! Doing dishes without my son on me in a carrier, or in his jumper, or highchair is *not* a **break**!
I tell him I wanted to take a shower, but now I’m going to have to wait. I tell him how I do not consider these things as “breaks”. They are chores and basic human needs. The latter I don’t get enough of. I barely eat. I can’t go to the bathroom without someone (child or animal) bothering me. Our eleven year old is the only one to understand when I need space or help. He’s always telling me “well you should have said something, you should have asked” no buddy. I don’t have to. I shouldn’t always have to spell it out plain and simple.
Showering, chores, eating, and I will even go so far as saying time alone in quietness, are all things I don’t count as a break.
Things that do count as a break, being able to read a chapter or two of my book without interruption. Working on a craft without little hands grabbing, or someone hanging over my shoulder asking questions. Being allowed to watch through a whole episode without subtitles on because I can’t hear the TV over someone watching something on their phone, toys that make noise, and pleasant screaming. Going for a walk *by myself*, to breathe in the air (can’t do that now because…. snow… and sub zero temperatures…but when I can). Working on a skill I want to improve. These are all something I can do *for myself*. Showering? No. Washing my clothes? No. Those are *needs* that are *chores*. I don’t enjoy them.
A break should be something you enjoy. Not something that you have to do, but something you want to do.
Going back to work after 2.5 months of caring for my sleepless, colicky baby left me in tears with separation anxiety. But then I went to the bathroom alone, and got a coffee without having to feed anyone…. And it was amazing. Being a working mom is hard for other reasons, but…
God bless the daycare workers & stay at home moms!
Edit: and all the poor ladies trying to do both right now due to covid! Superman has nothing on you.
And then when I do the grocery runs an errands, I feel guilty that maybe I’ve taken too long
My husband thinks that grabbing my ass while I do dishes is romantic. Will someone tell him it’s actually bullshit & if he wanted to turn me on he’d start helping instead of standing there watching me. Oh! And on average I work more hours a week than he does, I pay for insurance & 80% of the bills out of my paycheck, so we’re pretty damn equal. Yet, I’m expected to do EVERYTHING around the house & to do with the kids. He thinks he should get a medal for helping the 4 yr old put his fucking socks on! WTF men!? 🤯😖
I pump to feed my baby, but I find myself feeling guilty for asking my husband to hold the baby while I pump. As if pumping is some relaxing hobby I do for me.
Well, this resonates. Anyone else have that lump in the throat feeling of being on the verge of tears? I can’t stop, it’s been weeks and I’m just weeping through the days. I’m so exhausted.
Real talk, at my house and in my life right now, those are breaks. My husband mows the lawn to ‘clear his head’. I have started to find absolute bliss in roaming the aisles of Walmart with no one else in tow. My husband finds his peace by putting together IKEA furniture in the evenings. We literally have time for nothing else. 🤷♀️
Ugh. Yesterday my break was taking the dog for a 30 minute walk without the kid. It was soooo nice to just walk, without having to wrestle the stroller over snowbanks or stick to the one route that’s consistently well-shoveled. But it’s still something that would have counted as a chore a few years ago.
I am a stay at home dad and I had the same realization lately. Because of COVID restrictions, I am not allowed to bring my son anywhere – not grocery shopping, to a restaurant, a mall, pharmacy, even picking up food to go. We have a nanny two days a week and I have used all of my free time to run those errands I can’t with him. I got to a breaking point where I realized I need to use some of that time for self-care, moreso than getting our grocery shopping done. I am trying to do something once a week to take care of myself, sit and have a coffee, pickup pastries, etc. COVID has made it so tough here but we all deserve our time.
I shut myself in the bathroom and cried last night. We’ve just moved house, most of the contents of the old house are sitting in the kitchen and our 1 year old enjoys destroying the sitting room – I mean playing in the sitting room 🙈
I have a 5 week old baby and my narcissistic mother offered to come stay with us. She said “I will literally just hold her except when you’re feeding while you get the chores done”. Needless to say, we declined her offer.
It’s such a struggle for many of us. My Therapist tells me to take at least 30 minutes for myself and I say I do. I take a long shower. But that’s just basic hygiene.
This is all so very true. When my husband gets off work and I hand him the baby, that’s when I “get” to make dinner and clean the kitchen. When the kids are taking a nap, or my husband takes them for a bit, I can go “relax” at the grocery store, or cleaning the house. Still waiting for that break four years in…
The next person who suggests to a parent (90% of the time it’s mom) that she is ‘taking a break’ when they see you out shopping, or at the doctors or something without the kids look them dead in the eyes and say “Are you on a break ? Is this fun and relaxing for you ? ” Let them chew on that for a while.
My boyfriend works daily from 10:30am-7:00pm with weekends off he plays video games after work til about 1am sleeps til 10:00am.
I work as a mom from 7:00am-9:00pm hes ten months grabs EVERYTHING, eats plants, plays with the trash cans, kicks while im changing him, crys all the time, still bottlefeeds and demands food all the time. On weekdays I dont ask my boyfriend to do anything since he works. But come weekends I ask my boyfriend for a break and let me sleep in while he looks after our son. I get hit with ” I work and provide all the time, I need a break”
Ive told him before “I cook, do your laundry, and watch the offspring, clean after BOTH of you I need a break” he doesn’t see this as a job.
Feeling guilty laying on the couch with a headache while my kids are at daycare. I so needed to read this!
Here’s a [whole article](https://forge.medium.com/im-tired-of-basic-human-needs-being-seen-as-self-care-for-women-54ef206e918c) on the subject if anyone is interested.
Well at least I am going to work tomorrow and my husband will be “babysitting” our kids. Isn’t that great ladies, when dad’s get to babysit for us. (My husband is great, this is just to poke fun at my in laws)
I got to do toddler daycare pickup today while the baby stayed at home with my husband. So you could say I’m feeling pretty refreshed /s
YES. I definitely broke today.
This is everything 🙌
I feel this!! I was ask by my husband if I wanted to run out and get milk so I could have a break… um no I’d like a hot bath, with a coffee and pure silence but I’ve come to the realization that won’t be happening until the kids have moved out and I’ve put the husband in a retirement home!!!
Fact
….Who’s cutting onions?
👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼