The Aussie Baby Names You’re Not Allowed to Use (And Honestly, it’s Fair)

It’s almost Friday. You’re tired. The kids are feral. So let’s do something completely pointless but very fun: scroll through the utterly bonkers list of baby names banned in Australia.

Yep. There are 89 names you legally cannot give your child here. And while some of them are totally understandable, others are… let’s just say, a wild ride through the human condition.

First Up: Obviously Offensive

Let’s not faff about. “Adolf Hitler” is banned. Thank God. But who, in what deeply unhinged moment, thought that was a solid option for their newborn? Imagine the convo:

“Babe, I’ve been thinking. What about Adolf?”

“Love it. Very strong. Very fascist.”

Come on. 🤷🏻

Corporate Babies and Dessert Children

Also off-limits: Nutella. Facebook. Ikea.

Why? Because children are not start-ups. You’re not raising a fintech app, you’re raising a person who will one day sit their P-plates and have awkward school photos. And yelling “Nutella, put your shoes on!” in Coles is only funny for about five minutes.

Imagine being called Facebook. That kid’s getting unfriended in the womb.

Is That Your Name or a Body Part?

“Scrotum” made the banned list. Which means someone, somewhere, actually tried it. I have so many questions. Was it a dare? A typo? A cry for help?

Either way, that poor baby dodged a lifetime of every single teacher doing a double-take at roll call.

The ‘What Were You Thinking?’ Category

“Robocop” is banned. Fair. But the real mystery is: was this a one-time thing? Or is there a Robocop naming trend quietly bubbling away under our noses?

Imagine applying for a mortgage.

“Name?”

“Robocop.”

“Occupation?”

“Serving the public trust, protecting the innocent, upholding the law.”

“Thong” Is Out. And Thank God.

Yes, “Thong” is on the list. And look, I’m still unclear. Do they mean flip-flop or G-string? Either way, neither should be shouted across a playground.

“Thong! Time to go home!”

Nope. That’s not a child. That’s an HR complaint.

Let’s Talk About Jesus

Here’s a twist. You can name your kid “Jesus.” Or “Christ.” But not “Jesus Christ.” Apparently that combo is a step too far.

Which is fair, because combining those two is a bit like mixing red wine and white wine. Technically possible. Definitely a bad idea.

Aussie Bans With Real Local Flavour

“Ranga” is banned. Which, yeah—probably a good call. No kid deserves to be born into a nickname they’ll spend their life trying to reclaim.

Also off-limits: “Premier,” “Mister,” “Sister” and—tragically—“Saint.” I get the vibe someone filled out a birth certificate drunk off VB and ambition.

Full List of Banned Baby Names

• Admiral
• Adolf Hitler
• Anzac
• Australia
• Baron
• Bishop
• Brigadier
• Bomb
• Bonghead
• Brother
• Cadet
• Captain
• Chief
• Christ
• Chow Tow
• Colonel
• Commander
• Commissioner
• Commodore
• Constable
• Corporal
• Cyanide
• Dalai Lama
• Dame
• Devil
• Dickhead
• Doctor
• Duke
• Emperor
• Facebook
• Father
• G-Bang
• General
• God
• Goddess
• Harry Potter
• Honour
• Ikea
• iMac
• Inspector
• Jesus Christ
• Judge
• Justice
• King
• Lady
• Lieutenant
• Lord
• Madam
• Mafia
• Majesty
• Major
• Marijuana
• Marshal
• Medicare
• Messiah
• Minister
• Mister
• Monkey
• Nazi
• Ned Kelly
• Nutella
• Officer
• Osama Bin Laden
• Panties
• Passport
• Pope
• Premier
• President
• Prime Minister
• Prince
• Princess
• Professor
• Queen
• Ranga
• Robocop
• Saint
• Satan
• Scrotum
• Seaman
• Sergeant
• S**thead (Fill in the blanks)
• Sir
• Sister
• Smelly
• Snort
• Socceroos
• Terrorist
• Thong
• Virgin

Final Thoughts From This Cooked Country

Australia. The land where you can punch on with a roo, deep fry your Mars bar, and legally name your kid “Zeppelin.” But “Saint Scrotum Hitler Thong Facebook”? That’s where we draw the line. And honestly? Respect.

Have you heard worse? 🤔

What’s the most cooked baby name you’ve ever heard? Share it in the comments and let’s build the unofficial “almost banned” list together.