Claire
You may get or want to ask questions like:
“When are you guys going to have a baby?” “Are you going to have more babies?”
I like to gently remind people to be kind and cautious when asking these questions.
I might not mind when someone asks me, BUT just be careful when asking these questions, even with some of your close friends/family members.
You never know if that person has been struggling with infertility.
You never know if that person has recently had a loss.
Just a friendly reminder that these questions can be very sensitive for some people, so use your best judgement if/when you ask them!
Have you ever been asked these questions and felt uneasy?
Originally posted 2021-03-09 17:00:16.
My boss think it’s cute/funny to ask me daily when I’m gonna have a baby she will point out everyone else in our department who has or is having a baby. It breaks my heart and nobody understands why.
This is soooooo true! It is also my pat peeve. I think it is so inconsiderate and sometimes it is the closest family members who ask this sometimes almost a stranger. It is no ones business.
It may not be loss or infertility but also financial. My husband and I were in a very tough financial state for 4 years straight after he lost his job and couldn’t find steady employment. We finally clawed our way out last year and we are expecting our daughter any day. It was incredibly hard trying to duck that question and when I answered honestly it was either met with shaming about our financial problems or brushed off as unimportant to raising a child. Babies are expensive and we wanted to make sure our daughter would have the best start possible.
Yessss I hated when people asked me this after we had been trying for years and were longing for a baby.
This question bothers me soooo much and make me feel so uncomfortable. I had a miscarriage, few years ago. And now I’m having issues with fertility and I really wish I could go back in time and have my baby I lost. I think about my baby everyday and he/she woulda been 6years old /:
Not everyone understands and not everyone will. I was asked once – “why are you excited to celebrate Mother’s day when you are not a mom yourself”
This is SO important. My baby died two months ago and some people have already asked when are we trying again (being fully aware of the situation), it’s not only out of place but also disrespectful…
Yes i was repeatedly asked these questions. Unless you have been through loss and infertility or are sensitive enough to acknowledge other peoples stories its easy not to think twice before asking people these questions. I’ve been on both sides of the fence, people don’t mean to be unkind they just don’t think.
We went thru infertility treatments to have our daughter. Eventually my husband told my mom every time she asked about us having a child he said it added another year to her wait. She eventually stopped asking. 😏
My in-laws know we struggled for 4 years to have our daughter. They visit every Sunday and every Sunday I get asked when we’re thinking of having another baby. Our daughter just turned 1 and we are moving across the country, I hardly think it’s the time to get pregnant. After about 6 weeks of this question I started to respond “when my husband and I feel that it is right for our family to add another child”. No “God’s timing”, no “it’ll happen without you knowing” (haha yeah right). You’re neither conceiving, carrying, birthing, paying or raising this child, then you have no say on when or how many come. Keep your nose out of my business, out of my bedroom and out of my uterus.
👏👏
How about we just never ask?
How about normalizing the answer? “We’ve been trying for a while, we’ll see”. It doesn’t invite any more questions and god knows that person will NEVER ask again. I get it’s painful and so is “when are you two going to set the date?”, “do you have a boyfriend?”, “that baby needs a brother/sister”, “are you pregnant again?” when the baby weight is still on! That one is the last one I had to endure just last week… there are a thousand other questions people ask just to make conversation. I get they can be uncomfortable, but sometimes people are just trying to be nice and know what’s going on with us. Those are not mean spirited questions… so instead of trying to get people to stop asking, which will never happen, how about knowing how to answer? An elusive or funny answer also goes a long way…
I’ve been asked so many times. I used to smile and laugh it off then I just started being honest. “We are trying but we have a hard time getting pregnant” or “I actually just had a miscarriage” Don’t ask a question if your not prepared for the answer. 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t mind the question when asked out of real interest but they will get the real answer without me holding back on the truth and without me holding back my tears. So they might feel uncomfortable, because i can’t get pregnant anymore because my uterus had to be removed after giving birth to my son and having extreme blood loss. And I am willing/am in need to have a real conversation about it. So ask.. When you are interested and are willing to really talk.
Those questions are just rude and nosey despite good intentions 🤦♀️.
I would just lie i have endometriosis or im infertile
That’s one of the worst questions in the world!
It’s best not to ask these questions as it’s totally up to the couple whether they are having a baby anytime soon or any at all!